So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
