I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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