I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
