My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Someone shattered a urinal.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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