he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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