rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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