i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
