at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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