i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
