Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
