I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
