pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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