I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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