i would punch a child for taco bell
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
