i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
