This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
