yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
