I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
