At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she looked like the before picture.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
