Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize