i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
