I think I am morally bankrupt
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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