I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
