Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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