Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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