Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
