She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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