Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
