I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well I just put wine in my tea
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
