you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize