My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
