Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
