Banned from zoo.
Again?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
