Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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