please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
