And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
birth control should be required to get into college
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize