In the future we'll all be gay
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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