Don't make out with my wife yet
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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