I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
