I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
