YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
