Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
