I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
