Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Randomize
