I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
