Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
