ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
