The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
