OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
