I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
