the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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