I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
