Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
