I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
