Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize