At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize