So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
