Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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