True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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