I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
