our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
