He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize