I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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