doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
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