my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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