I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
