Whod you bang
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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