There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
