Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i can't believe i had my finger in that
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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