is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
