some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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