I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
