it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
