question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
