I just cut my nipple shaving
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
