just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize