sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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