I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
