We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
