I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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