Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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