I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
