I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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