ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
