I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
