Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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