Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Come on in and take your pants off
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