Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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