i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
