Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
