If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
