Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
