i was rollin on her like bob the builder
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
