im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
