I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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