apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
