Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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