Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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