So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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