I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
