I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Randomize