i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
