sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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