the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
